With the growing use of HTML as a formatting language in email and news readers, several important gaps have been found, the new email markup language attempts to address this.
Humorous Text Markup Language (HuTML) fills a much needed gap, first recognised when Americans found themselves unable to understand the humor used by the rest of the world. While the smiley :-) and it's variants have been used to indicate humorous passages, there are many forms of humor Americans, and other humor-impared groups, do not understand. HuTML provides a simple way to identify and translate humor in a series of simple tags.
These tags are case-sensitive. Lowercase tags will be more muted than uppercase, depending upon the capabilities of your browser. The standard presented here is HuTML v1.0, and it is expected that the major browser manufacturers will incorporate it in the near future, although Microsoft have announced their own ML for this purpose: HeTML (Hegemonic Text Markup Language) which partially and inconsistently overlaps HuTML, but also send your responses to the material to a database in Redmond).
<HUMOR></HUMOR> Is the global tag indicating humorous material is present in the document. Consideration is being given to a <HUMORLESS> tag for documents with economic or party political content.
<CHUCKLE></CHUCKLE> Indicates mildly humorous material.
<GUFFAW></GUFFAW> Indicates humorous material.
<BELLY LAUGH></BELLY LAUGH> Indicates very humorous material.
<LETHAL></LETHAL> Indicates a joke so funny people with faint hearts can laugh themselves to death. HuTML uses domain name checking to determine susceptible readers and substitutes a generic joke if required.
<INNUENDO></INNUENDO> Indicates jokes of a suggestive or salacious nature, HuTML uses site certificates and domain name checking to determine if under 18's, wowsers or people with weak hearts are reading, and subsitutes a generic joke if required.
<PORNOGRAPHIC></PORNOGRAPHIC> Indicates a truly ribald joke. Indicates jokes of a sugestive or salacious nature, and the text is rendered in the bright red Sleaze(TM) True-to-type font (or Drool, if Sleaze is not available). HuTML uses site certificates and domain name checking to determine if under 18's, wowsers, people with weak hearts, your employers or John Howard are reading, and subsitutes a generic joke if required (or If John Howard, It explains the Joke).
<DIRTY></DIRTY> A joke that is not covered by the above tags, or includes reference to bodily functions, swear words, or the anatomically inappropriate use of watermelons. HuTML uses site certificates and domain name checking to determine if under 18's, wowsers, people with weak hearts, your employers or John Howard are reading, and subsitutes a generic joke if required (or If John Howard, It explains the Joke, especially with regard to watermelons).
<BLASPHEMY></BLASPHEMY>A joke that will offend religious persons. Comes with the NAME=[religion] and SECT=[sect] modifiers. An example markup is
<BLASPHEMY NAME=Christan SECT=Methodist>
Why don't Methodists like sex? Because sex leads to dancing.
</BLASPHEMY>
Depending on site cerificates and domain names. HuTML will either remove
the sect indicated and replace it with a random sect from the
SECTS_ALLOWABLE variable or replace it with a generic joke.
<SLAPSTIC></SLAPSTICK> This material will be rendered in the Pratfall True Type font.
<IRONY></IRONY> Irony needs no explanation. HuTML uses domain name checking to substitute <SLAPSTICK> for American readers, inorder to avoid confusion with isotopes of iron, or a domestic task involving shirts. However, if the I_DONT_GET_IT variable is set to TRUE, it will append an explanation rather than substitute. The </IRONY> tag will terminate <SLAPSTICK>.
<METAPHORE></METAPHORE> This tag will use domain name checking to translate the metaphore used to local terms if the I_DONT_GET_IT variable is set to TRUE. If the I_DONT_GET_IT variable is set to PERVERSE, a description of small French pastries is substituted (see <PUN> tag).
<PUN></PUN> If the I_DONT_GET_IT variable is set to TRUE, it will append an explanation. If the PUNCHLINE variable is set to TRUE, then setting the PUNSTER variable to TRUE will result in the words BOOM! BOOM! being apended, and FALSE will result in the word GROAN being appended to the tagged text. Setting PUNSTER to PEVERSE results in an AI generated pun based on the original pun being appended.
<TOPICAL></TOPICAL> Depending on the domain name, HuTML converts the stated event into the nearest local equivalent. However, at this time HuTML is unable to convert Bill Clinton jokes to John Howard jokes, or vice versa.
<SURREAL></SURREAL> HuTML paints the machine tools in bright colours and sets fire to the giraffe.
<PYTHON></PYTON> Not to be confused with the STYLE SHEET, the <PYTHON> tag automatically inserts the indicated sketch. If no sketch is indicated the <PYTHON> tag inserts the parrot sketch into any text.
No markup language is complete these days without style sheets; available style sheets are
STANDUP_COMEDIAN: generic standup style
STEVE_MARTIN: needs no explanation
ROBIN_WILLIAMS: can't be explained
BENNY_HILL: needs the special Lascivious font installed. If VRML is
enabled the <FONDLE> tag and <WOBBLY_BITS> tags can be utilized
simultaneously.
BILLY_CONNOLLY: set TRANSLATE to ON for non-scots. In addition randomly
inserts the "F" word throughout any text.
GOON_SHOW: the Bizarre Standard, uses special <SFX> tags including "sock
full of custard" "falling piano" and "Brandy!"
MONTY_PYTON: remember to set PARROT_SKETCH to OFF for non-fans. "And now
for something completly different is distributed randomly after <P>
tags.
Some Australian examples of style sheets include:
GOOD_NEWS_WEEK: comes with POLITICAL_COMMENT and POPULAR_CULTURE flags
STEADY_EDDY: unable to be used outside of Australia
KEVIN_BLOODY_WILSON: unable to be used anywhere but the privacy of your
own home (for shame). Liable to overwhelm the "F" word server set up to
handle the BILLY_CONNOLY style sheet.
FRED_DAGG: Really a New Zealand style sheet that has been adopted by the
Australians. Uses the <LACONIC> tag, the BACKGOUND_SHEEP can be set to
FALSE.
More style sheets will be added as available and from third party, or fifth column, OEMs.
Copyright (c) 1999 Ian Musgrave and John Wilkins